May l, 2012
Joan Of Arc On Mars
Mobilizing Martians For Obama
OLD TIMER CHRONICLE – Yuma AZ – Approximately 6,000 Martians are gnashing their teeth over the opportunity to get out the vote door-to-door in Arizona for President Barack Obama.
They are inspired to do so by none other than St. Joan of Arc Reincarnated, who was born a citizen of the planet Mars this time around. She’s their leader.
They haven’t arrived yet.
Arizona Republicans are calling the report by the editor of the Old Timer Chronicle, who is currently visiting Mars, a flagrant hoax. However some of them believe the report after having talked to other Martians who have already arrived. About 200 citizens from Mars now in the Grand Canyon state have been peacefully campaigning door-to-door for the president. An earlier report numbered the extraterrestrial visitors at 2,000 but this estimate was a typo. Many of the Republicans upon whose doors the Martians have knocked, incidently, have re-registered as Democrats and Independents now.
The Democrats have little to say except that they appreciate any kind of help as long as it is friendly and not violent.
“There’s not enough Democrats in Arizona to do it,” says the Old Timer editor, Davy Crockett Reincarnated, via cell phone. “So Elfego and I came up here to recruit Martians. But with Joan’s commanding presence here inspiring them, we seem to have unleashed a tsunami.”
“Maybe, senor, we can stop these additional 6,000 Martians from landing in Arizona. But Saint Joan is a leader gung-ho grande and she is pretty determined to get them there” says Elfego Baca Reincarnated, Crockett Reincarnated’s partner (everybody seems to be reincarnated around here).
Crockett says Joan of Arc might arrive in Arizona with her Martian hordes via astral projection. The pious young lady, presently sequestered in a secret cave on an asteroid, could not be reached for comment.
An ancient-astronaut friend of his, says Crockett, gave him and Baca a ride in a flying saucer to our solar system’s 4th planet. And they should be returning soon to the 3rd planet, “good old Earth.”
Elfego's later editorial: